The Tony Ortega Sunday Funnies thread

Discussion in 'Media' started by The Wrong Guy, Dec 16, 2012.

  1. My eyes need examining I thought the above said "Daily I see examples of shite, insanity and sorrow" and I thought this was an apt description of scientology.
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  2. DeathHamster Member

    Those Infinity Club outfits need to be accessorized with fancy sunglasses.

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  3. Ogsonofgroo Member

    Hell, shoop material delux~
  4. The Wrong Guy Member

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  5. RightOn Member

    Wait, wasn't that the Indie logo? or something like that?
  6. DeathHamster Member

    Scientology is so cheap that they shooped the same jacket on all three guys. (2nd from left is flipped.)

    Did they actually buy any jackets or did they shoop their logo (and heads) on stock jacket photos?
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  7. DeathHamster Member

    The other Infinity Club photo (back a page) also uses the same stock jackets with heads stuck on.
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  8. anon33 Member

    "Fully funded" doesn't mean they have spare money to deliver jackets. It's a thought stopping word for the flock to feel that funding is no longer needed, and it's safe to turn up for events. Fat chance.
  9. DeathHamster Member

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  10. They seem to all have tits under those jackets
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  11. The Wrong Guy Member

    Sunday Funnies: Scientology now selling the idea it solved the Ferguson crisis

    This week, one of our readers noticed that a Phoenix event was being promoted in a flier posted to Twitter. (More and more, Scientologists are using social media — if you happen to spot something on Facebook or Instagram or Twitter, please send it our way!)

    The flier indicates that Barry Coziahr has quickly become a rising star in the church for the publicity he managed to get in Ferguson, Missouri.
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  12. Kilia Member

    Posted the link to Ortega's article along with the hashtag, #Ferguson , on Twitter.
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  13. BlooAnon Member

    Does it matter? Either is pretty sad. Though one sadder than the other.
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  14. Quentinanon Member

    False attribution is a fundamental part of scientology.
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  15. The Wrong Guy Member

    Just how much does infinity cost, anyway?

    For several weeks now, we’ve been seeing evidence of the latest kooky promotion Scientology has rolled out in order to get its exhausted members to pony up even more in the way of donations. Now, thanks to one of our great tipsters, we get some specifics on how much it costs to join “The Infinity Club”.


    Did you get that? Those goofy jackets you’ve been making fun of? They require a donation of $88,000.

    Hm, tough choice. College education for your kid, or a nifty Members Only jacket with a silly Mobius strip emblem on it. Scientology makes it so hard to choose!

    And how about $8,800 for a T-shirt. A T-shirt!

    Even worse, for $880, you don’t even get the shirt. Burn.

    Source, and open comments:
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  16. DeathHamster Member

    Notice that they couldn't even shoop straight. The logos are all over the place on the jackets.

    I don't think that we've seen a real jacket yet--just shoops of logos and heads on stock jackets on models and dummies.
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  17. The Wrong Guy Member

    Monday Funnies: More evidence that Scientology is gearing up for a really tough 2015

    Surprise! If you’re looking for our Monday reveal, we sprang it early, on Saturday afternoon. Our big secret was the title and subject of our forthcoming book, ‘The Unbreakable Miss Lovely,’ about the life of Paulette Cooper, which London-based Silvertail Books is publishing in May.

    We decided to keep that announcement up the rest of the weekend, so today we’re going to post our delayed Sunday Funnies — they’re our Monday Funnies!

    And we’re going to start off with more evidence which convinces us that Scientology is taking very seriously the threats it is facing in 2015. We know that the organization has been dealing with dwindling membership for years, key defections by important officials, a tenacious “indie” movement that tries to entice other members to leave, and the growing legal problems of Narconon.

    But an Alex Gibney documentary that is premiering at Sundance this month and then airing on HBO on March 16 is another matter entirely. So how is Scientology leader David Miscavige responding? More and more, we’re convinced that he thinks he can make a difference with an all out media blitz.

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  18. The Wrong Guy Member

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  19. RightOn Member

    wow that depo was ca-razy!

    When Marty talks about the big projects he was working on for the COS, he doesn't mention the whole Lisa McPherson PR flap.
    Couldn't he have used that against DM? Or was it just too self incriminating to bring up?
    And whatever was in that letter he wrote, certainly pushed his buttons.
    any guesses as to what it contained?
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  20. The Wrong Guy Member

    Sunday Funnies

    If you remember, Michael Chan is the enthusiastic barnstormer who goes around the country telling Scientologists that someday L. Ron Hubbard’s super secret OT 9 level will be released (Marty Rathbun has assured us it doesn’t exist), and at that point church members will live into their 120s, and they’ll get the ability to clone themselves so they can form an unstoppable Scientology army to take over the planet. (We’re serious. We had a mole at one of his talks.)

    More here:
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  21. The Wrong Guy Member

    Super Sunday Funnies: Will you get to see Scientology’s ad during the big game today?

    Ah, Super Sunday, when, for the past few years, the Church of Scientology has caused a Twitter freakout by placing its creepy TV ads in certain markets during the big game.

    Scientology leader David Miscavige has been on a media buying blowout, placing full-page ads in USA Today and the New York Times, and paying for web ads in every conceivable place lately. Miscavige is scrambling to deal with his latest crisis, in this case the imminent airing of Alex Gibney’s documentary, Going Clear, on HBO on March 16.

    We’ll say what we’ve said many times: These ads are not meant for you, and they’re not meant for us. The ads trashing Gibney and Lawrence Wright and the other people in the film, as well as the slick Apple Computer-like TV spots trying to sell Scientology, are aimed at Miscavige himself and his biggest financial donors.

    It’s important to keep that in mind when you see Scientology doing something seemingly incomprehensible — like sending stern letters to every person who reviewed Gibney’s film without calling the church for a quote. As ridiculous as that seems, rank-and-file Scientologists eat it up with a spoon, as we showed in a story on Thursday. Scientologists, who assiduously avoid negative press about the church, want to see the organization punching back and smearing its critics, as well as trying to spread the word about L. Ron Hubbard.

    And that’s why today, it will be important for Scientology’s donors to see an ad during the Super Bowl to make them feel like Miscavige is fighting the good fight.

    Problem is, as profligate a spender as Miscavige is, even he doesn’t want to pay nearly $4 million for a thirty-second spot during the game. What many folks don’t realize, however, is that during the many hours of broadcast before and during the game, a few spots are reserved for your local broadcast channel to sell to advertisers. These spots are much cheaper than the official nationally aired ads. One expert told us that Scientology could buy spots in numerous markets around the country and end up paying about $1 million — a much less expensive way to go. Last year, Scientology only bought these spots in cities where “Ideal Org” projects had been finished as an incentive for other cities to catch up.

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  22. The Wrong Guy Member

    About that Scientology ad you saw on TV before and during the Super Bowl

    We’re getting reports from around the country that Scientology’s “Age of Answers” ad has already been airing today on Super Sunday.

    We figure it’s only going to pick up as the game itself nears. Earlier today, we weren’t certain which ad the church was going to use for its Sunday blitz, but then we received a leaked message from one of our tipsters indicating that it would be “Age of Answers,” a slick Apple Computer-like spot that Scientology posted to its YouTube channel in October, and that we described in November.

    The ad is pretty and says essentially nothing, and we expect that when it appears at halftime during the Super Bowl, there’s going to be a fun reaction at Twitter. If you see the ad pop up in your market, let us know in the comments section.

    So before we take a detailed look at the ad itself, let’s see what Scientology member Kathy Feshbach had to say about it in that leaked message we mentioned.

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  23. The Wrong Guy Member

    Super Bowl: Scientology Ad Promises "The Age of Answers" | The Hollywood Reporter

    By Ryan Gajewski

    The church of Scientology has aired a Super Bowl ad in light of ongoing controversy over a Sundance doc centered on the religion.

    The ad featured voiceover, accompanied by quick cuts of footage involving someone hiking, a DNA strain and a close-up of an eye.

    "We live in an age of searching: to find solutions, to find ourselves, to find the truth," the announcer said in the ad. "Now imagine an age in which the predictability of science and the wisdom of religion combined. Welcome to the age of answers."

    This is not the first Super Bowl that the church has paid to air an ad during the expensive platform. Scientology ads aired in 2013 and 2014 as well.

    Going Clear: Scientology and the Prison of Belief debuted at this year's Sundance Film Festival and focuses on Hollywood's connection to the faith. The church has launched a Twitter account to discredit the film.

    The Super Bowl ad can be seen below.

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  24. The Wrong Guy Member

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  25. TrevAnon Member

    Grant will not be happy that he has to be with those ^ people. ;)
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  26. The Wrong Guy Member

    Scientology Sunday Funnies: New ‘Continental’ Narconons opening soon?

    It’s that time of the week again, when we share with you some of the Scientology communications that our great tipsters have sent us.

    We also have a couple of emails that some members received. And we have a new video from Chris Shelton, as he looks forward to Alex Gibney’s documentary airing next month on HBO.

    Let’s start off with the emails.

    In the first, you get a glimpse of what Danny Masterson tried to deny was happening in his interview — that L. Ron Hubbard’s birthday is a big holiday for Scientology, and church members around the country are getting their travel plans and formal wear for the party in Florida.

    And security is tighter than ever. This year, you’ll not only need an ID card to get in, but you need to send a head shot ahead of time so they can put it on the card. They’re taking no chances!
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  27. RightOn Member

    so their numbers are dwindling and that is when they beef up security?
    Makes total sense
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  28. The Wrong Guy Member

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  29. RightOn Member

    This new studio (if completed) all sounds like another way for them to get fresh meat through their doors by offering "how to be a star" seminars and may even offer head shots, coaching, host talent shows and "star in a film" chances.
    Another modern day Milton Katsalis factory (spelled his name wrong).
    I know they already do this, but they can do it on a larger scale. Of course they already have enough recording crap and all they need at Gold and Mad Hatter, but this building will be more accessible.
    Expect ChillE, James Barbour, Cuntright and other scilons to have special events here to get the fresh meat in the door.
    I didn't realize it before, but I think this is def. going to be a fresh meat factory.

    Tin foily and ambitious perhaps but it all seems to make more sense then the COS needing a radio to TV station, which people will laugh at and complain about. We all know how young and impressionable "budding stars" are and will do anything to get a shot at being famous.
    Keep a look out for upcoming events at this new "Scilon spider web" if and when it gets finished and then spread the word that it is a TRAP!
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  30. The Wrong Guy Member

    Sunday Funnies: Scientology going all-in with fundraising and fire fighters

    We’re going to start with another example of successful “safepointing” of a local figure with an event put on by a Scientology front group. In this case, it’s the “Volunteer Ministers” — the yellow-jacketed folks Scientology flies in to disaster areas to hand out recruitment literature and get in the way of first responders with their faith-healing juju.

    The VMs are putting on a “Disaster Preparedness” expo at the Los Angeles Ideal Org (part of the “Big Blue” PAC Base complex on Sunset Boulevard), which seems really appropriate because nothing says “disaster” right now like PAC base.

    And the church has managed to attract a member of the Los Angeles Fire Department, a Captain John Ignatczyk, to be a part of it. We’re sure he knows what he’s getting into, right?
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  31. Quentinanon Member

    Got to watch for infiltration by Marcabian agents who are masters of disguise.
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  32. The Wrong Guy Member

    Scientology really, really, really doesn’t want you to see this movie

    We’re five days out from Alex Gibney’s film Going Clear opening in theaters in New York, San Francisco, and Los Angeles, and things are getting downright nutty. Like, Scientology is losing its mind.

    But here in the Underground Bunker, we’re over our fever, the cats are napping like champs, and we’re ready to get back to our essential weekly feature, Sunday Funnies.

    You see, even as David Miscavige is panicking like L. Ron himself was coming back to give him an R-factor and throw him in a chain locker, the rest of the organization can’t stop begging for cash, even for a minute.

    And you know what that means for us — comedy gold! So let’s dig in.
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  33. Kilia Member

  34. The Wrong Guy Member

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  35. The Wrong Guy Member

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  36. The Wrong Guy Member

    Scientology mailers haven’t changed a bit

    By Tony Ortega, February 22, 2016

    It’s been a while since we had fliers like these forwarded to us by a source inside the church. Maybe if enough of you could send them to us, we could revive a certain weekend tradition. But for now, enjoy a couple of reminders of what it’s like to be bombarded by begging appeals inside Scientology.
  37. The Wrong Guy Member

    From July 14, 2013:
    Someone forgot to notify the Dept. of Defense that Scientology is the world’s coolest religion

    By Tony Ortega, April 25, 2017


    In October 1983 Sylvia Dewall joined the U.S. Air Force. And when you join the armed forces in this country, you are asked to identify your religion for your dog tags.

    Since the age of 13, Sylvia had been a Scientologist. And that’s what she said when she was asked. “The recruiter had never heard about it,” she says. And so the recruiter put “NRP” as her religion, for “No Religious Preference.”

    We asked her about that because, once again Scientology and the military has come up in the news. Previously, we told you that the VA doesn’t recognize Scientology when it comes to putting symbols on the grave markers of veterans. And now, the Department of Defense itself has slighted Scientology.

    The DOD recently revealed that it had nearly doubled the number of religious faiths that it recognizes, bringing the total to 221. There’s everything on the list from Dianic Wicca to Shamanism to Atheism and Agnosticism.

    But no Scientology.

    Now, you would think that the church that calls itself “the world’s fastest growing religion” and “the world’s coolest religion,” and which claims to have anything from 6 to 20 million members — and 4.4 million new members every year — would be able to get itself recognized on a list that contains everything from Druidism to Eckankar.

    But no luck. Could it have something to do with Scientology actually being so small it might have only a handful of active military members, if any at all? Sylvia Dewall’s service notwithstanding, there may be few Scientologists serving today, since the total number of Scientologists in the world now is probably only 20,000 or fewer.

    But even if that’s the case, and there are few or no Scientologists serving the country, you’d think church leader David Miscavige would try to put a little pressure on the military to list Scientology with the rest. At this point, this is getting a little embarrassing.

    When the military itself is recognizing that there atheists and agnostics in fox holes, how can Scientology be ignored totally?

    Poor Dave.

    Continued at

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