The Tony Ortega Sunday Funnies thread

Discussion in 'Media' started by The Wrong Guy, Dec 16, 2012.

  1. Anonymous Member

    I'm certain that military advisors can be burned too. Centuries of European experience proved that works. Call them heretics or papists or something. Infidels! Yeah, that might work.
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  2. Anonymous Member

    And how are marshmallows (totally made of sugar, no mallows were killed) viewed by most religions? If we're going to have non-denominational heretic burnings and sing-songs (atheist inclusive!) , it is vitally important to avoid offending any groups.

    Would it help to have the sugar cane chopped by some priest in a particular manner? Would any groups like their prayers made before it catches fire and melts off the stick? We need to know these things.
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  3. another123 Member

    ^^^ Be a nice quote on a protest sign:
    'Hey America, if The Church of Scientology has enough cash to advertise during the Super Bowl, maybe it shouldn't be tax exempt,' editor Scott Lowe wrote on the site.
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  4. YouSeeNothing Member
    Comments are open.
    EDIT: new OSAbot commenting? He's so anti-sarcasm.
  5. YouSeeNothing Member’s-advertising
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  6. YouSeeNothing Member

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  7. Anonymous Member


    WTF anon news???? Dox?

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  8. Anonymous Member

    I have an MU

  9. failboat Member

    How The Church Of Scientology Got An Ad In The Super Bowl

    The Church of Scientology, which has repeatedly been accused of being a cult, ran an ad in the Super Bowl last night. Or at least, a lot of people think that's what happened.
    In fact, Scientology did not have an ad in "the" Super Bowl. Rather, it bought local TV advertising is several major spot markets — such as New York and Los Angeles — during breaks saved for regional advertisers and local channel advertising.
    Thus many people in major metro areas believed they had seen a Super Bowl ad for Scientology when in fact they only saw a much cheaper piece of local TV advertising.
    The church had been planning the stunt for months, according to Tony Ortega, a former Village Voice editor who runs a web site devoted to investigating Scientology.
    The ad itself, titled "The Knowledge," was first aired on YouTube on Dec. 18. It's 1 minute long, but was cut to 30 seconds for its run during the Baltimore Ravens' victory over the San Francisco 49ers. (Even local TV advertising is pretty expensive during the game). The church almost certainly did not spend $8 million to get the ad into the game, as reported by The Daily Mail.

    More at link -
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  10. YouSeeNothing Member

    God, I can't even remember how unfunny the world was before the internet. 95% of the lulz would have been lost without it.
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  11. failboat Member

    There's a ridiculous number of articles about the Scientology Super Bowl ad and I'm not going to try to link them all. I hope Mr. White is up to the job. Twitter exploded.

    Lots of popular Tweets are getting republished by said articles, and most of the ones getting republished are lulzy.
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  12. another123 Member

    A scientology ad? Wake up catholic church! Let's throw down a "check out this miracle" ad. #superbowl

    What a dilemma. Do I want a super power that'll enable me to center my front tooth or turn water into wine.... ;)
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  13. The Wrong Guy Member

    That creepy Super Bowl Scientology advert for sports fans and other sectarian egotists

    DID you see the advert for the Church of Scientology aired during the Super Bowl? If you heard it, you’re probably reciting the mantras word for word in your sleep and at the bank. If you didn’t, here’s your next tattoo from the starriest self-improvement system in Tinsel Town – the one penned by Ron (that’s a name you can trust):

    Continued with open comments at
  14. The Wrong Guy Member

    Happy Little Scientology Ad Can’t Hide the Crazy Underneath

    ...this feel-good spot can't hide the real truth.

    The narrator dares you to think for yourself, make up your own mind, and defy critics who just don't understand. And the ad is definitely visually appealing. It has even been compared to Apple's 1997 "Think Different" campaign. However, even that can't make people forget some of Scientology's most bizarre factoids.

    1. It was founded by science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard who believed negative emotions were caused by things called Body Thetans and devised a way to get rid of them.
    2. They believe we are ruled by a galactic, alien overlord named Xenu.
    3. They require quiet or silent births. That means the mama-to-be must not utter a word.
    4. The church insists members that live on their compounds can leave anytime they want, but "defectors" tell a different story. Those that once lived in Scientology compounds claim they had to drive cars through gates to escape and were then relentlessly pursued.
    5. After leaving the religion, director Paul Haggis said, "I was in a cult for 34 years. Everyone else could see it. I don't know why I couldn't."

    More, and open comments, at
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  15. Missfit Member

    I'm so happy they ran this ad. Why? 1. Nobody believes Scientology anymore so nothing will happen 2. Scientology just nuked 8millionbucks on something people are laughing at. No matter what, because of that commercial, they lost money. Touchdown dances all around!
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  16. Missfit Member

    ps can you imagine if the catholic church or the Jewish population did this? EVERYONE would be up in arms about how irresponsible it is for a church to be spending 8 MILLION on a commercial when it could be going to help the needy. I mean, anyone with two brains cells can see what a joke the cult is.
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  17. Anonymous Member

    The Mormons have done TV commercials and probably still do, but not AFAIK during the Stupid Bowl.
    They probably has even moar jewgolds than Miskiewicz to spend, but just aren't as psycho-dog.
  18. Random guy Member

    Ooooo, they are reaping only resent and laughter, the beauty of it!
  19. Missfit Member

    lol, but that's because they have actual PR people and educated folks telling them what an absolute PR disaster that would be, fronting that much money for a commercial of that nature. 8 million dollars buys a lot of food, water, and help for ailing people such as the people in Haiti or from Katrina or I don't know...Sea Org members who are broke? People would make a HUGE deal out of it if a traditional religion did that but it just shows that people really don't take Scientology seriously anymore cause they don't give a fuck about it except for the lulz.

    There are both pluses and minuses about that, but that's for another time.
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  20. novu Member

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  21. The Wrong Guy Member

    With a Super Bowl Ad, Scientology Gets a Crowd - The New York Times

    Last paragraph:

    But the church has recently released another ad, this one about Mr. Hubbard himself, which begins by calling him “the nation’s youngest Eagle Scout” and ends by calling him “the most published and translated author of all time” and the founder of Scientology. The ad will run in “major metropolitan markets across the country,” including New York, Ms. Pouw said.
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  22. The Wrong Guy Member

    Atheist Super Bowl Commercial - Best Commercial At The Super Bowl!

    Published on Feb 4, 2013 byCultOfDusty

    Did you guys see that awesome commercial for atheism during the Superbowl? Best commercial I've ever seen by far!
  23. YouSeeNothing Member

    Fuck you, cult.
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  24. The Wrong Guy Member

    In this morning's Facebook post, Tony wrote:

    TOM CRUISE CAN RAISE THE DEAD! And we have proof: We found audio of a rare 1972 lecture by L. Ron Hubbard, in which he explains how Scientology auditors have "brought little kids back to life" but he regrets that he was unable to save a drowned Negro. Yes, in other words it's classic Hubbard, and you're going to want to hear it. Also, we've got the latest fundraising fliers of our usual Sunday Funnies roundup!

    Tom Cruise Can Raise the Dead! And More Scientology Sunday Funnies « The Underground Bunker
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  25. Anonymous Member

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  26. The Wrong Guy Member

    Tony's Facebook post this morning reads:

    We have another collection of wacky Scientology Sunday Funnies for you today, including a revealing look at wealthy Scientology donor Grant Cardone and his wife Elena, who wishes you men would stop performing a certain act in public. All will become clear at the post itself.

    Sunday Funnies: The Grant Cardone Is An Asshat Special Edition! « The Underground Bunker
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  27. The Wrong Guy Member

    Marisol Nichols Prepares For Her Greatest Role: Scientology Space Cadet! « The Underground Bunker

    On Sundays, we like to reveal to you the wackiest Scientology e-mails, fliers, and other come-ons that were sent out to church members during the past week. And this week, the most exciting news that they received was about one of their celebrities, Marisol Nichols.

    Nichols reached new heights of fame after her role as Special Agent Nadia Yassir in 24‘s sixth season. But she’s also reached new heights in her career as a Scientologist. As you’ll see in an exciting e-mail that was sent out to church members, Marisol has reached the pinnacle of spiritual achievement, and she’s going to speak at her graduation on Friday at the Hollywood Celebrity Centre!

    According to Scientology’s own publications, Marisol went “clear” in 2000, and now, 13 years later, she’s reached the top end of the Bridge to Total Freedom — she’s achieved Operating Thetan Level 8. This means that Marisol should have the ability to exteriorize from her body, affect matter with her mind, bring the recently dead to back to life, and be clairvoyant, immune to disease, and she should have a sky-high IQ and total recall. We can only hope she shows off her new super human powers at the graduation event! (And we hope that it’s soon online.)

    Lots more at
  28. Anonymous Member

    oh man, that Grant vid about marrying money? YICK!
    Whatever happened to true love? What a materialistic and grotesque thetan he is!
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  29. The Wrong Guy Member

    Tony's Facebook post from today reads:

    AUDIT YOUR INFANT! Yes, here it is, definitive proof that Scientology indoctrination can begin as early as the cradle. Also, an opportunity for some LA political reporting, surprising photos from things in Sydney, and more in a great collection of Sunday Funnies!

    Scientology Sunday Funnies: Get Your Infant Audited! | The Underground Bunker


    You might remember, last summer, when Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes split, reporters were asking whether Suri was really old enough yet to get indoctrination in her father’s church. She was six years old (and now almost seven), and we all wondered if kids that young were really subject to Scientology training.

    Well, wonder no more.

    Get a load of this remarkable post card that was sent out by the Mace-Kingsley Family Center in Clearwater, Florida, which invites Scientology parents to bring their infants down for auditing.

    And just how, we wonder, is a toddler going to come up with an “earlier similar” if they’re too young to, you know, speak?


    More, and comments, at
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  30. The Wrong Guy Member

    Tony published this today:

    Scientology's New Strategy: Attack of the Clones! | The Underground Bunker

    One of the things we do at the Underground Bunker is monitor information coming in from our worldwide tipster network, trying to get our best sense of what’s happening in the Church of Scientology in real time.

    One result of that is our Sunday Funnies, our weekly feature which shows the latest fliers and mailers going out to church members. Over time, those fliers give us some sense of how things are going with Scientology’s constant fundraising. (And when the church is reduced to begging $75 to sponsor a doorknob or asking members to cash in their gold and silver, things are not looking good.)

    Scientology is in a deep crisis right now, with non-celebrity, non-wealthy members nearly tapped out from the various money-sucking programs run by church leader David Miscavige.

    What used to be a focus for such members — moving up the Bridge to Total Freedom in order to achieve fabulous personal gains — seemed to have fallen by the wayside as Scientologists have been hit up with pitches for an Ideal Org or the Super Power Building or donations to the IAS or offers for Freewinds seminars. Judging by the language in the latest fliers, it’s getting tougher to get people down to the their local org for these fleecings.

    However, we’ve been hearing from our tipsters that Miscavige isn’t entirely oblivious to what’s going on, and that a new effort to sell church members on their own personal growth has been going on.

    We had noticed fliers for worldwide barnstorming by several OT VIII ambassadors who have been, for want of a better analogy, preaching the gospel.

    From our tipsters we’ve pieced together the following account of one of these circuit preachers, a man named Michael Chan.

    Continued at
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  31. The Wrong Guy Member

    This morning, Tony posted this on Facebook:

    Scientology needs your help with PR! We learn that and a bunch of other things with this week's installment of Sunday Funnies. Sail on the Freewinds so you can learn "White PR" to help out the image of L. Ron Hubbard: what could go wrong? ALSO: The heartbreaker SMERSH Madness matchup of the first round!

    Sunday Funnies: Scientology Needs Your PR Help! | The Underground Bunker

    Let’s start with a flier that caught our eye for its tone of sheer desperation.

    Oh, where do we start? From creating “huge acceptance” for the works of L. Ron Hubbard and his “solutions for planetary ruin,” to using “White PR” on “opinion leaders,” this is one cringe-inducing document.

    But this is your opportunity to spend a full week on the barge Freewinds and learn how to push LRH tomes on your local library and city councilman. Talk about a 21st Century PR solution!

    RonPR1-e1362497897431.jpg RonPR2-e1362498001415.jpg

    More at
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  32. Anonymous Member

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  33. Anonymous Member

    ^^^ and he has taken VM courses
  34. MichaelLewisFlier-e1362830358529.jpg
    Did you get that? On Friday Michael Lewis presented a “Magic Formula” which would enable him to “explain everything and fix everything.”
    And which event comes to mind that he could possibly apply this magic formula to: “Wouldn’t it be nice to just refer to that thing and go, ‘Ohhhhh! That’s what happened!’”
    Gosh, we don’t know. Maybe Mr. Lewis could use his magic formula to explain to all of us why his son, Sons of Anarchy actor Johnny Lewis, went mental and killed his landlord (and her cat) before falling to his death last year?
    Just a thought.
  35. Anonymous Member

  36. Are you suggesting Michael Lewis should have used bug juice on his son Johnny?

  37. Anonymous Member

    Couldn't have hurt...
  38. gesturewithmarkerhappy.jpg
    Our Teen-Ya program is designed to parallel the goals and needs of teenagers and young adults. Utilizing Scientology technology developed by L. Ron Hubbard, we help the individual chart his or her own course in life - with happy results!

    Michael Lewis

    Johnny Lewis parents celebrated their 100th anniversary!
    Johnny-Lewis-parents.jpg [IMG]
  39. Anonymous Member

    Maybe he did, and that's why he went bug fuck?
  40. Here is a video of the dedication of More Art which is mostly Michael Lewis speaking. At 8 minutes his son Johnny comes up on the stage with the other advisory board members. Ironically his father mentions earlier in the video something about how when people are involved in the arts they don't hit each other:

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