The Tony Ortega Sunday Funnies thread

Discussion in 'Media' started by The Wrong Guy, Dec 16, 2012.

  1. The Saint Hill Ideal Sized Advanced Levels of OT:
    'The Golden Age of Psycho-Paul'

    "Are You In or Are You Out?"
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  2. The Wrong Guy Member

  3. The Wrong Guy Member

    Sunday Funnies: A Scientology Advertising Bonanza!

    By TonyOrtega94

    On Sundays, we love to reveal to you the Scientology mailers and fliers that our tipsters have forwarded us during the week. And this time, we have a huge selection of fun stuff to share with you.

    As Scientology nears its apocalypse, er, rather, its ginormous celebration of flowing theta when it opens the Super Power Building on October 6, it seems that it is pulling out all the stops to get its members to give, give, give!

    It’s almost like they know some sort of point of no return is coming, or something.

    This week, we have to hand it to the folks in Miami for getting the most creative when it comes to begging for your cold, hard cash.

    We don’t hear all that much from the Miami org, but if this is the kind of thing they’re putting out, we want more of it!


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  4. Anonymous Member

  5. Anonymous Member

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  6. The Wrong Guy Member

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  7. The Wrong Guy Member

    Is this our biggest Sunday Funnies package ever? We think so! We have great Scientology items from 1979, 1998, and a ton from the last couple of weeks -- including video of Nancy Cartwright jumping up and down in excitement! We've got stuff from California, Florida, Scotland, and even Taiwan. Jump on into the entheta buffet!

    The 1979 Clearwater Sun Editorial the Tampa Bay Times Should Run Today
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  8. The Wrong Guy Member

    Scientology Sunday Funnies: Texas Memories, Valley Whales, and Top Secret Plans!

    We’re back in our underground bunker after a rather eventful trip to the Texas hill country.

    The cats genuinely seemed happy to see us. The dog even came over for a rub.

    We’re still in recovery mode, and we hope by tomorrow to be more caught up on the things going on in the rest of the Scientology Watching world that need our attention. We have Narconon news to catch up on. More court documents to show you. A couple of interviews that we’ve meant to get done. But we had to put everything on hold for what turned out to be a fateful couple of days at the Comal County courthouse.

    For today’s Sunday Funnies, we thought we’d pick out a few of our favorite images that commenters created and posted during our Texas adventure. After that, we have a set of mailers and fliers from our tipsters. And for last, we’ve saved a bit of secret internal church planning for its upcoming IAS spectacular that we’re going to share with you just because we can! Let’s get it on.

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  9. Think I'll pass on Scientology Super Powers and join Flavor Flav's Unga-Bungaology, Flav has a lot more followers than LRH nowadays.

    If you buy Flav's CD, you get Platinum Emeritus N'Shit Status............
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  10. Anonymous Member

    Their lawyer admits OSA does this....
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  11. Anonymous Member

    Bump for hysterical-ness
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  12. The Wrong Guy Member

    The Scientology Guide to Craigslist | The Underground Bunker

    By Tony Ortega

    On Sundays we like to reveal to you the mailers and fliers that our network of tipsters forward to us during the week.

    This week we received something unusual and enlightening.

    While we’ve been focusing lately on major crises gripping the top echelons of the Church of Scientology, it’s useful to remember there are still quite a few folks out there in far-flung locations, doing what they can to “clear the planet” — spread the word about Scientology so it can take over the world.

    And what better way to do that than with ads placed on Craigslist?

    One of our tipsters forwarded to us a 60-page “Craiglist Hat Writeup” put out by a local org. We’re going to hold back the location and the author for now. And we’re going to quote only a small portion of it as “fair use.” (In Scientology lingo, a “hat” is a job or role, so this is a packet of info for the person who wants to get hatted to place ads for the local mission or “org.”)

    We can tell you that it’s a very enthusiastic document, and it provides a thorough guide to any Scientologist who wants to use Craigslist to bring in new people for classes.

    Through a few years of trial and error, I have learned some successful actions for placing ads on Craigslist. Now I get people into the Mission on a weekly basis through Craigslist, and they start on courses regularly. I have passed this Craigslist hat to other Missions, Orgs and FSM’s, and when they have followed my hat write-up and posted enough ads, they’ve gotten wonderful results, too.

    The best thing is that it takes little time, and it’s all FREE!

    After that introduction, what follows is a detailed, step by step guide for how to place an ad on Craigslist, where there are several different categories to take choose from — groups, activity partners, classes, and more.

    You’re then told to place your ads in several different places, and to mix them up each day.

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  13. Anonymous Member

    And no one here has this
  14. The Wrong Guy Member

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  15. The Wrong Guy Member

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  16. The Wrong Guy Member

    Sunday Special: Remembering Some People Who Mattered

    By Tony Ortega


    We asked Observer, our shoop expert, to put together an image that came to us recently as the comments section here at the Bunker went through a few days with more agita than usual. We are very fortunate to have such an intelligent discussion happening here, with many great regulars. But like any Internet forum, things can get a bit wild and woolly. For some reason, as things got heated, an image came into focus of the folks who might be keeping a close watch on the news we break here at the Bunker, as well as the many great contributions by our readers. And here’s what we asked Observer to create for us.


    You’ll probably recognize the people who are pictured keeping up on Scientology news in this image. On the right, that’s Lisa McPherson and Ida Camburn. On the bench are Robert Vaughn Young, Bob Minton, and Gabe Cazares. Standing on the left is Alex Jentzsch, sitting in the foreground is Quentin Hubbard, and providing shade are the Clearwater Oaks.

    Comments are open below the full article, here:
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  17. Anonymous Member

    Just in the last few days he has been running out of material. Only a temporary situation something more should break soon.
  18. The Wrong Guy Member

    The Fort Harrison Hotel is Paradise!

    By Tony Ortega

    For your Sunday Funnies entertainment, we have this slick new brochure from the Fort Harrison Hotel, the spiritual center of the Scientology universe. Pack your bags, because soon this place is going to become a hive of activity. Super Power opening (perhaps, we hear, only a week from today? That’s the newest rumor), the IAS gala just two weeks after that, and then the New Year’s Eve celebration. Where else would a thetan want to be?

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  19. RightOn Member

    I noticed on the side of the Newsletter is reads:
    "Non Profit Organization" US Postage Paid"
    Which means WE are paying for their fucking newsletters to go out?
    The US post office claims they are hemorrhaging money, but yet they pay for the cult to pass out this dribble on how people should come spend money at Flag?
    How is coming to Flag in any way non profit?
    Oh this pisses me off.
    For some reason I never thought about whether or not that US postage office (well us really) pays for all of the COS newsletters that go out.

    Maybe this deserves it's own thread!

    brb starting thread for this outrage.
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  20. The Wrong Guy Member

    Sunday Funnies: Scientology Is In Your Capital, Working Your Jenna Elfman

    By Tony Ortega

    A year ago, the Church of Scientology held a grand opening for its new “National Affairs Office” in Washington DC. And hey, why not? If only a few more world leaders could be exposed to L. Ron Hubbard’s books and maybe get some past-life auditing, Scientology could take over the world that much faster!

    Now that a year’s gone by, it was time for the folks at the National Affairs Office to cut loose with some wild celebrations. They then put together a newsletter about all the fun they were having, and it was forwarded to us by one of our great tipsters, just in time for this week’s installment of Scientology Sunday Funnies.

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  21. Sekee Member

  22. RightOn Member

    the stamps! the stamps! Need the stamps pics from the front of these envelopes!!!!
    Did these have non profit org stamps on the front?
    This is FOUR different areas!
    DC, Belair, LA and Nashville!!!!
    *Pounds fists* :mad:
    ok end of rant.:p
    ANYWAYS, it would be very helpful if the tipsters took pics of the front part of these envelopes if there is a non profit stamp on them.
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  23. muldrake Member

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  24. RightOn Member

    didn't this T- Shirt provoke her famous baby raping question?
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  25. muldrake Member

    Yes, that's why I'd like her to see it one more time in her life, at least.
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  26. ughohhohoho
    This message by ughohhohoho has been hidden due to negative ratings. (Show message)
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  27. Anonymous Member

    The dislike button is your friend. It makes unwanted stains posts disappear.
  28. The Wrong Guy Member

    Sunday Funnies: Roslyn Cohn’s One-Woman Show Set to Skewer Scientology

    By Tony Ortega


    Los Angeles actress Roslyn Cohn’s sense of timing is impeccable. She’s putting on the debut of her one-woman show about Scientology, “diffiCult to Leave,” on November 25 in Los Angeles — right between the dates the church itself has set for events that seem like last-ditch efforts to stave off Scientology’s steady decline.

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  29. anonamus Member

    ^^ Sounds like a FUNLULZY show. :D

    Dear Davey.

    Your Cult is dying.
    Do something about it.
    Take the next flight to Bulgravia.

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  30. RightOn Member

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  31. The Wrong Guy Member

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  32. The Wrong Guy Member

    DiffiCULT to Leave, a one-woman show

    By Pam Peterson, The Huffington Post


    For the next twenty-three years, Roz became engulfed in the demented world of L. Ron Hubbard.

    She was purified, security checked, and given the key to life on the bridge to eternity. Roz invested tens of thousands of dollars into her Scientology "education." She bought it all - with each additional $2000 or $5,000 or $15,000 investment, she was made to believe that she was closer to achieving her aspirations. Credit card interest was a small price to pay for fame, right?

    Except that her life was no longer her own. Her time was dictated by her Scientology course schedule, and her family and friends took a back seat to "approved" relationships.

    Roz's loyalties were to an organization whose origins had reportedly begun when, 75 million years ago, an evil, inter-galactic dictator named Xenu brought people to earth and blew them up. Evil essences were left behind that are the current cause of spiritual harm. Sounds like a comic book, right? Well, according to the Church of Scientology, they have no less than 8 million members who have bought into their doctrine.

    The kind of intense brainwashing that makes a level-headed human being get sucked into something so absurd takes a good chunk of time out of a life.

    When Roz's father became terminally ill, she wavered. She needed to be with her family, but the powers-that-be demanded that the Church take precedence. Her judgement had become severely clouded. She struggled with her priorities. Surely her family was more important than the Church of Scientology PTS/SP Course that would confront and shatter Suppression. Right?

    More money was demanded of her, to purchase additional programs that would help relieve her of her "sins" and supposedly save her father. Because of her indecision, her name was being dragged through the proverbial mud. She began to question the motives of the very institution that had ruled more than half of her life.


    In her spirited one-woman show, "DiffiCult to leave," Roz uses song and narrative to recount her experiences. Alternatively hilarious and moving, the show is a first-hand account of the before and after of life in a cult...perhaps the largest, and most powerful, cult in contemporary times.

    This show represents the ultimate success of that young actress who once traveled to New York City to follow a dream. It is the story of her life, in the performance of a lifetime.

    It is a story that the world needs to hear. Don't miss it.

    DiffiCULT to Leave

    Starring Roslyn Cohn
    Story by Roslyn Cohn
    Joshua Finkel, Co-creator and director
    Jake Anthony, Co-creator and musical director

    Monday, November 25, 2013

    Sterling's Upstairs at the Federal
    North Hollywood, CA
    By reservation only 818-754-8700

    Comments are open, here:
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  33. The Wrong Guy Member

    Scientology Super Power Sunday Funnies! Let’s Get Oily!

    By Tony Ortega


    Finally, we don’t envy the team over at the Tampa Bay Times, who are scrambling to keep up with all of the things happening at the center of the universe this weekend.

    Remember, this is the newspaper that broke the news of how for years, Scientology had forced young women to have abortions so they could keep working in slave-like conditions.

    It’s the newspaper that broke the news that several high-level officials had defected in part because they were tired of being physically assaulted by Scientology leader David Miscavige.

    It’s the newspaper that won a Pulitzer back in 1980 for exposing how Scientology had surreptitiously invaded downtown Clearwater through subterfuge, spying, and outright lying.

    It’s been the paper of record as far as Scientology is concerned. But yesterday, by gosh, the Tampa Bay Times wondered if folks in Clearwater figured it was time to stop being so hard on the church and maybe use this opportunity to have a fresh start.

    It was an interesting article.
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  34. RightOn Member

    I am glad Tony mentioned the Tampa Bay Times Puff piece on the COS.
    It was a stomach turning article, and I am flabbergasted that they printed what they did. Unless someone got to the writer some how.
    It just doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me
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  35. The Wrong Guy Member

    From Tony Ortega today:

    Hey, let’s see what else our tipsters have sent to us this week. It’s that time of year again when Scientology, which believes that Jesus was just a mental implant which was stamped into our immortal thetans during a genocidal incident 75 million years ago, still like to pretend that they have the Christmas spirit. This year, rather than hear about how the R6 implant invented Jesus to keep us subservient to the Marcabian space confederation (or something), kids can come hear “Christmas Stories” told by these giant stars of stage and screen…

    …er, big stars of TV and film…

    …uh, middling names you may or may not have heard of…

    Well, the talent pool may be a bit shallow these days, but the flier’s pretty!


    There's more here:
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  36. DeathHamster Member

    Lord, it looks like the entire "famous in Scientology Z-list actors" line up.
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  37. The Wrong Guy Member

    Scientology Sunday Funnies: Fundraising Mailers Galore! | The Underground Bunker

    By Tony Ortega

    On Sundays, we enjoy revealing to you the latest mailers and fliers that our tipsters have forwarded to us. We call it Sunday Funnies after the weekly ritual that dear Grandad enjoyed in this thing they used to call a “newspaper.”

    This week, we have lots of items from around the world. So grab a cup of coffee, throw that tab of butter on a stack of pancakes, and enjoy Sunday morning as we learn about the new ways Scientology is begging for money.
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  38. The Wrong Guy Member

    Sunday Funnies: Scientology Gets Ideal in Taiwan | The Underground Bunker

    By Tony Ortega

    Now that Scientology has re-jiggered its Bridge to Total Freedom, by golly, there’s no holding it back. And next stop on its crusade to take over the world is a new “Ideal Org” in Taiwan.

    Our tipsters came through again this week with a great collection of new Scientology mailers and fliers from around the world.

    At Saturday’s grand opening in Kaohsiung, Taiwan it looks like a fine time was had by all. We’re still waiting to hear if Scientology honcho David Miscavige made the scene.

    Continued here:
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  39. RightOn Member

    ^^^ the pic of the people at Starbucks? Out of all of those people, only 2 bought coffee?? Prolly broke after GAT.
    And the last pic of the guy joining staff? CREEPY-A-RAMA!
    Looks like a poster for a horror movie. Well, I guess it really is going to be a horror movie for him in the long run.
    "Join Scientology Staff.... Where No One Can Hear You Scream.....
    (well.. they can, they just don't care)"
  40. Ha ha! And one of those people's drinks is just a cup of ice water. Maybe they got the memo about how you should save your Starbucks money for the IAS.
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