The Tony Ortega Sunday Funnies thread

Discussion in 'Media' started by The Wrong Guy, Dec 16, 2012.

  1. The Wrong Guy Member

    Scientology Sunday Funnies: The Nancy Cartwright countdown to godhood edition!

    Once again our great tipsters came through as we received a boatload of Scientology mailers and fliers this week. On Sundays, we enjoy sharing the best of them with you in order to get a snapshot of the church’s desperate attempts to get more money out of fewer people.

    There are a number of interesting revelations in these advertisements, not the least of which is, Her Royal Governess has finally finished OT Seven!

    That’s right — Nancy Cartwright, the voice of Bart Simpson, has finally finished “the level” and now only has OT Eight left before she finally achieves godhood!
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  2. The Wrong Guy Member

    Sunday Funnies: More Scientology fliers than you can shake a stick at

    On Sundays, we like to share with you the best of the Scientology mailers and fliers that get forwarded to us by our great tipsters. We call it Sunday Funnies, and once again we have a large collection of items which show Scientology doing its best to get its waning membership to come on down for a fleecing.

    These themed parties and rah-rah events that put members under intense pressure to donate large amounts for new, unneeded buildings, have become pretty familiar to us as we’ve watched them over the last couple of years.

    But for some reason, it really struck us this week: As you look at the phony enthusiasm and paltry crowds, remember that these people have bought into the notion that they’re better than the rest of us, that they alone understand how the universe and the human mind works, and that they are working towards becoming godlike superbeings who will be taking over the planet any day now.
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  3. RightOn Member

    BWA HA HA!
    The let him perform and they clap for this pedo?
    Hard up for "talent" much? And I use the word "talent" very lightly.
    I saw Jim Meskimens smiling doofus mug too . Or however you spell his name. Vanguard with Honors ? Huh Jim?
    Keep doing those bit parts and TV commercials, because yah gotta pay for the Bridge Jim! And also let them squeeze yah for more.
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  4. [IMG]
    B'way star admits to underage ingenue 'sex act'

    In 2001, Broadway star James Barbour received an illegal blowjob from (or, as the Timesinvariably refers to it, performed a "sex act" with) a 15-year-old groupie. He first met and "fondled" the aspiring actress when she met him backstage after a performance of "Jane Eyre" she attended with her parents, thanks to her drama teacher. The 'sex act' happened a month later at his place. As part of the plea bargain, Barbour has agreed to admit his immoral behavior "to anybody he works for in film, television or theater for up to the next three years." Which seems equal part sex offender punishment and total bragging. How often do stage actors get groupie action?! Even if they did play the damn Beast! Barbour's next role: Sidney Carton in "A Tale of Two Cities." Far, far better thing he did, etc. [NYT]
    LA Country Sheriff Lee Baca, Anne Archer, Mary Shuttleworth and James Barbour at fundraiser to combat human trafficking
  5. The Wrong Guy Member

    Scientology Sunday Funnies: The Sea Org full regalia edition!

    For some reason, this week we’re seeing more Sea Org people in their dress uniforms. We don’t know if that means they’re getting ready to go down with the ship or something, but it’s awful fun to see L. Ron Hubbard’s pretend navy looking so snappy.

    One of our favorite things about Sunday Funnies is that we are always amazed at how much our commenters pull out of these items — many times, it’s stuff we didn’t notice at all. So please, have at it, and let’s all get another peek at the current state of Scientology’s fundraising madness.
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  6. RightOn Member

    Hey JT!
    will you please make up your mind with your hair?
    Astro turf to Staying Alive and then back to asrtro turf.
  7. 331

  8. [IMG]

    Actors Kelly Preston (L) and John Travolta attend the Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 45th Anniversary Gala on August 9, 2014 in Los Angeles, California.
  9. Looks like they were more desperate for "celebrity" photos than usual at this years event:

    Conductor David Campbell (L) and composer Mark Isham attend the Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 45th Anniversary Gala on August 9, 2014 in Los Angeles, California.

    MLB player Trevor Bell attends the Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 45th Anniversary Gala on August 9, 2014 in Los Angeles, California.

    Musician/composer Stanley Clarke (L) and musician Billy Sheehan attend the Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 45th Anniversary Gala on August 9, 2014 in Los Angeles, California.

    Actresses Nancy Cartwright (L) and Marisol Nichols attend the Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 45th Anniversary Gala on August 9, 2014 in Los Angeles, California.
  10. The Wrong Guy Member

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  11. Incredulicide Member

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  12. Quentinanon Member

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  13. Quentinanon Member

    I was surprised by the presence of Stanley Clark at the CC party. Clark left the cult in the early 1980's and got auditing from David Mayo.
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  14. Quentinanon Member

    Thanks for posting that KKS.
    • Like Like x 1
  15. The Wrong Guy Member

    Scientology Sunday Funnies: The apocalypse is here, and it is ideal

    We have some fun items for you this week, and most of it has to do with dragging Scientologists to events to get them to donate, for the umpteenth time, to their local Ideal Org program.

    The Ideal Org push began more than a decade ago, in 2003, and frankly, we’re getting pretty tired of David Miscavige’s emphasis on renovating buildings so they can sit empty. And if we’re feeling fatigue, imagination what Scientologists are feeling after they’ve been pushed to donate so much money, time and time again.

    Let’s start with a fun new video that highlights one of the new strategies to get these poor folks to keep forking over cash. Because there are so few of them left, this new push convinces them to “unite” in regional associations. In this case, in southern California.
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  16. The Wrong Guy Member

    Scientology claims credit for solving the crisis in Ferguson, Missouri

    It’s time for Sunday Funnies, our weekly feature for reviewing the Scientology mailers forwarded to us by our great tipsters. And once again, we have a bushel of fun circulars put out by the fundraisingest church on earth.

    But first, we have to hand it to Scientology junior spokesman Bob Adams for taking the church’s public relations to OT 9.

    Yesterday, a press release disguised as a news story carrying Bob’s byline showed up on something totally not sketchy called “World Religion News.”

    In it, Bob wrote that it’s no surprise that things have finally started calming down in Ferguson, Missouri, which has seen so much unrest after the killing of Michael Brown by police officer Darren Wilson. The reason? Well it’s obvious, isn’t it? Scientologists have been handing out copies of L. Ron Hubbard’s little booklet, The Way to Happiness, and people have totally not been immediately throwing them in the trash when they see what a bunch of obvious drivel it is.

    Calm is being restored, Bob says, after Barry Coziahr of the St. Louis org arranged to have the pamphlet handed out.

    Bob then describes other parts of the world where Hubbard’s 1981 booklet has totally chased away evil dudes, restored economies, and made everyone so happy they shine.

    Bob’s piece could only have been more precious if it had run in The Atlantic.

    Before he became the perpetual second-stringer on the Scientology spokesteam, Bob enjoyed a career in the NFL, from 1969 to 1976. We were double-checking his NFL career and landed on his Wikipedia page and whoa check this thing out!

    Now, if you or us or anyone else had a seven-year NFL career and then went on to work as a mid-level mouthpiece in the public relations department of even a pretty large US corporation, you better believe we’d get maybe a single line about our PR work and the entry would mostly be about how many touchdowns we scored.

    But Bob gets an entry like his every move is a revelation! He traveled to Melbourne, Australia in December 2009 for the World Religions Conference! Oh my!

    Even better, the article history shows that Bob’s entry was primarily developed by one of Wikipedia’s highest-level administrators. And we know that Scientology itself is banned from touching anything at the website. We can only conclude that Jimmy Wales’s crew is sucking up to Scientology, at least when it comes to Bob Adams, to make up for that little ban. If you have a better theory, we’d like to hear it!

    Now, on to the rest of our Sunday Funnies!

    Continued at
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  17. The Wrong Guy Member

    Sunday Funnies: Oops, Scientology reveals a key fact about the size of its membership

    We hope you’re having a great holiday weekend and we’re happy that you could drop in at the Underground Bunker for some Sunday Funnies.

    It’s our weekly feature that allows us to show off the best Scientology mailers and fliers that have been forwarded to us by our great tipsters. And we’re going to start off with a slick new ad for the Sea Org that contains an interesting admission.

    “Over 6,500 strong, Sea Org members operate on an international level and implement strategies LRH put in place to effectively clear the planet,” says the flier we’re about to show you. At the bottom of it, you can clearly see that this is an official message from the American Saint Hill Organization (ASHO), which is part of the “Big Blue” complex in downtown Los Angeles which was once the Cedars of Lebanon hospital.

    Why is this significant? Because Scientology just gave up a key fact about its true overall size. Let us explain.

    Scientology has always blatantly lied about how many Scientologists there are in the world. In 1969, its New York org spokesman told the New York Times that Scientology had 15 million members worldwide. Since then, church figureheads like Heber Jentzsch claimed anywhere from 6 million to 12 million. More recently, Scientology mouthpieces like Karin Pouw have been more cautious, saying “millions of members” without naming a number. However, in a 2012 television ad, Scientology claimed to be attracting 4.4 million new members a year, and recently, Kirstie Alley claimed that there were 20 million Scientologists on the planet.

    It’s all bunk. Under oath in a deposition in the late 1990s, Jentzsch, the nominal president of the Church of Scientology International, admitted that the numbers they throw around represent every human being who has ever purchased a book or taken a class in Dianetics and Scientology history, which goes back to 1950. Those figures in the millions, in other words, have nothing to do with how many paying, active members the church has now.

    In 2011, we gave detailed reasons why we estimated worldwide membership at 40,000. The same experts we relied on then believe the organization has continued to shrink, and we would estimate current active membership at around 30,000, planetwide.

    Scientology itself has never admitted to having such modest overall membership. But for some reason it is more open about the size of the Sea Org. The claim of 6,500 in this flier is almost certainly an exaggeration — even Scientology’s own website ( only claims a Sea Org size of 5,000. And our experts concur that the true size of the Sea Org — which contains Scientology’s most hard-core followers, who sign billion-year contracts and work for pennies an hour — is around 5,000.

    Which raises the question: If Scientology really has “millions” of members around the world, why is its Sea Org so tiny? Assume, for a moment, that Scientology really has 12 million active members, which it has claimed in the past. At that size, only one in 2,400 Scientologists would be a Sea Org member, which any Scientologist of any experience would tell you is a ludicrous ratio.

    Scientologists — particularly the children of church members — are under intense pressure to join the Sea Org, and many of them do join it. But what is the current ratio of public and staff compared to Sea Org?

    Former Scientology spokesman Mike Rinder told us a more realistic ratio is about 6 to 1. He estimates 30,000 overall membership, with about 5,000 of those in the Sea Org.

    Chris Shelton independently told us the same number — 5,000 Sea Org members, based on actual enrollment data he had access to while he was still inside the Sea Org himself. He also said 5 or 6 to 1 was a more realistic ratio.

    So, while ASHO’s claim of 6,500 Sea Org members is almost certainly an exaggeration, it helps solidify once again that our estimates of the overall size of the organization make sense, and is nowhere near the “millions” that church press releases claim.

    Continued here:
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  18. The Wrong Guy Member

    Sunday Funnies: Scientology is going down in style!

    Once again, this week’s items give us a snapshot of Scientology’s obsession with fundraising as individuals are asked to give up any thought of themselves for the good of the group.

    But hang on, what’s this? Our first item, which comes to us from the ‘Silicon Valley Ideal Org’ push in Stevens Creek, California, is somewhat out of character for your typical celebration of people who write big checks.

    For the most part, Scientologists humbly accept a big framed certificate and get the heck off the stage. But get a load of this couple, who aren’t shy about living in the fast lane with the beautiful people.


    We write big checks for Scientology because it’s fun! How theta! We’d love to know more about this glamorous couple, someone please drop us a line!

    Continued here:
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  19. The Wrong Guy Member

    Scientology Sunday Funnies: Smile while you write that check, pardner!

    Our tipsters have been busy sending us Scientology’s wacky fundraising fliers and emails this week. We have a ton of them. But we did our best to narrow it down just to the best. (And if we didn’t use something you sent in, our apologies, but we are so grateful that you sent us what you did.)

    Last night, the Silicon Valley folks held their Gladiator-themed party, and we’re looking forward to seeing photos from it soon.

    But for now, we have one more promotional item for the party — a video that must have got folks awfully pumped up to have their cash taken from them at sword-point! And how can you go wrong with comedian Jim Meskimen?

    Continued here:
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  20. "No Charge to Attend" (Just to Leave):
  21. 729

  22. 341
  23. ^^^^^^LOL, Spank me Daddy! Great Picture above of amazing actress Noelle North's very first auditing session.^^^^^^^

    She paid a fortune (in more ways than 1) for her Scientology awards plaque.

    Scientology's Vanguard with Honors purchaser Noelle North gives a command performance in Scientology's presentation of ''Don't feed the children'' at Subway, Clearwater, Fl in 2008.
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  24. The Wrong Guy Member

    Scientology Sunday Funnies: Turning begging for cash into an art form

    Welcome to another of installment of Sunday Funnies, when we reveal some of the Scientology fundraising fliers that have been forwarded to us by our great tipsters.

    As usual, the church is doing all it can to get its dwindling membership to come down for weekly and monthly fleecings, trying to attract them with themed parties made up to look like pep rallies where some big secret information is going to be revealed. In fact, the big secret is that you’re required to write an even bigger check than the last time!
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  25. afternon Member

    Also- check out the glossy video promoting the 30th IAS cult rally at Saint Hill in East Grinstead, UK. It's amazing how these scientologists can ethusiastically make passionately contentless waffle!
  26. BlooAnon Member

    Even some of the thumbs up aren't very enthusiastic.
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  27. Anonymous Member

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  28. Sum Ting Wong?

    Vertically challenged?

    Check out Dr. Wong's patient Gary T.'s success story, he grew an inch after just two treatments.
    Amazing, Mr T.'s last name may grow a few more vowels and consonants if this treatment continues as well.
    It's absolutely stunning, a chiropracter who can physically add height to his customers, Gary will be 6 ft 4 in no time.

    Congratulations Scientologist Dr. Wong, noone can stretch the truth like the Scientologists and their 'success' stories.

    I'm really going out on a limb here and will assume that Gary T. is a 'success' story-telling Scientlogist.

    Patient Successes

    Gary T.

    I came to Wong Chiropractic with lower back pain, and discomfort in and around the shoulder area.
    I felt better after the first couple of visits! My problem has definitely improved. I am now even sleeping without restlessness.
    I have also noticed a side benefit of my chiropractic care. Before when I measured myself I was 5'11'' in height. After a couple of treatments, I measured myself and did a double-take when the tape said 6'0 Surprise!
    For anyone who has never been to a chiropractor, I say give it a shot. It did wonders for me. You have nothing to lose--except feeling better!

    -- Gary T.

    Go back to PhysiciansPlus

    Go back to Doc Wong's Health Page

    Go back to Doc Wong's home page
    • Like Like x 3
  29. afternon Member

  30. DeathHamster Member

    English, do you parse it?
    • Like Like x 2
  31. 465


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  32. Ersatz Global Moderator

    Harry Wong

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  33. Anonymous Member
    Screen Shot 2014-09-21 at 15.31.00.png
    A visit to the freewinds, 2006. Was that the time when there was a problem of some kind involving asbestos?
    • Like Like x 1
  34. 280

    Genevieve Ashcom King MD

      • Certified Family Practice.
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  35. rof Member

    In case you don't read comments I lol'd

    • Like Like x 6
  36. DeathHamster Member

    Angry inch-wife?

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