The Tony Ortega Sunday Funnies thread

Discussion in 'Media' started by The Wrong Guy, Dec 16, 2012.

  1. DeathHamster Member

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  2. Probably a brain fart.
  3. Probably a brain fart. I'll correct it. Thanks.
  4. DeathHamster Member

    Most of these guys, when they did work for Google/YouTube, were customer support types. A company like Google doesn't put its best and brightest visionaries as telephone jockeys.
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    Theta Code
  6. Church of Scientology public meeting with voting "to make this official"??? What?

    From Tony Ortega's Sunday Funnies. I have some questions.


    Has anyone heard of anything like this before with the Church of Scientology?

    What could they possibly mean by, "to make this official"???

    Could the reference to the Board of Directors, as well as the statement "to make this official," whether intended or not, possibly create some legal duties, responsibilities and/or liabilities? Like, they would have to actually take the meeting and vote seriously? And not treat it as a electoral fig leaf or Potemkin village?
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  7. DeathHamster Member

    Speculation, but they may have dredged through the olden Mountain View rules, bylaws, etc, and found some kind of thing which is valid if 100 town members show up together and vote it so.
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  8. The Wrong Guy Member

    Celebrating two years in the Bunker: Jonny Jacobsen on Russia, and Sunday Funnies!

    Two years ago today, we switched on the circuits here in our underground bunker. The cats have been especially needy this week, anticipating our anniversary, and we made sure and stocked up on kibble and booze for today’s celebration.

    For those of you who have been with us since the start — and many of you who were with us earlier, during our days at The Village Voice (2007-2012) or even before that, at New Times LA (1999-2002; Tory Christman and Mark Ebner and Mark Bunker, among others) or even a few of you who stretch all the way back to the Phoenix New Times (1995-1999; Rick Ross and Jeff Jacobsen, for example) — we humbly thank you for putting up with our adventures into the weird world of Scientology for so long.

    So let’s kick off Year Three in the Bunker!

    First up, before we get to this week’s Sunday Funnies, we asked Jonny Jacobsen about a raid that happened Thursday at the Scientology org in St. Petersburg, Russia. We heard about the raid early Friday afternoon, but our Russian translator cautioned us to be careful with the story. Our translator had concerns about the media organization reporting it, and said the involvement of the church itself was unclear.

    So while the story came out on WWP yesterday, we waited and asked our man in Europe, Jonny Jacobsen, to make a quick study of what was going on. We’re glad we waited. Here’s what he sent us.

    Continued here:

    Also, see this thread:

    Russia: Police raid Saint Petersburg org, Sept. 25, 2014
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  9. The Wrong Guy Member

    Sunday Funnies: Scientology wants your child, even if it’s not yet born!

    It’s that time of the week when we share with you the best Scientology fundraising fliers that have been forwarded to us by our great tipsters.

    These fliers give us some insight into how desperate the organization is as it tries to get more and more money out of fewer and fewer folks.

    We’re also eternally fascinated to see who is still turning over big checks when it’s pretty obvious that Scientology’s apocalypse is in full swing.

    But let’s start off with something that tends to get our readers riled up: Scientology and babies.

    We’ve posted numerous fliers and mailers over the years showing that Scientologists are encouraged to get their infants — yes infants — involved in Scientology auditing as soon as possible. But why wait when you can get your little fetus on the Bridge to Total Freedom before it’s even born!


    Continued here:
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  10. The Wrong Guy Member

    Scientology Sunday Funnies: In valleys near and far, it’s time to stand and deliver!

    We sure do love Sunday Funnies. They give us an opportunity, each week, to check in on what Scientology is telling its members in the form of fundraising fliers. Over the years, our readers have picked out many significant clues about what’s ailing the church. it’s become a really substantial history of an organization in trouble.

    We can’t wait to see what you make of today’s items, which we’ve sifted from many mailers and messages sent to us by our great tipsters.

    Let’s start with a couple of after-party reports, which we always get a kick out of. You probably won’t be surprised to see that they come from the San Fernando and Silicon Valleys, where Scientology is working particularly hard to raise money for new “Ideal Orgs.”

    Continued here:
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  11. BigBeard Member

    And once again it's obvious, if the people these posters are aimed at would actually read them, "Going up" in IAS status has replaced "Moving up the bridge".

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  12. The Wrong Guy Member

    Sunday Funnies: Scientology repurposes the ‘Think Different’ Apple ad

    Over the past couple of years, whenever Scientology has put out another of its slick new TV ads, comparisons are invariably made to Apple television ads.

    Scientology leader David Miscavige seems to dig the atmospherics in the Apple commercials. But at least Scientology’s have been somewhat original, if generally nonsensical.

    But now, the folks in Detroit who are trying to raise money for a new “Ideal Org” have gone one step further and straight up ripped off the iconic 1997 “Think Different” Apple ad, in this case the version featuring the voice of Steve Jobs.

    And the result is something to behold. They’ve simply inserted scenes from one of Scientology’s typically goofy fundraising parties into the ad, and some of the juxtapositions are amazing. Enjoy!

    Continued here:
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  13. The Wrong Guy Member

    Sunday Funnies: Scientology needs your money more than ever!

    We’ll start this week with more evidence of a trend we mentioned recently. We had noticed that increasingly, Scientology events are charging pretty stiff prices up front, something we rarely saw them do in the past.

    We wondered whether the high entry fees were a way to guarantee that attendees at least coughed up something — after all, the purpose of these shindigs is to get as much money as possible out of the faithful. And now get a load of the suggested prices for this next gala!


    Continued here:
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  14. RightOn Member

    Sad pic of that old guy on staff.
    Living his golden years as a slave:(
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  15. Anonymous Member

    Do you mean this old cultfag?


    Just remember - he bought the ticket, and he's taking the ride...

    ~ with apologies to Hunter S. Thompson
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  16. RightOn Member

    yes he's the one.
    yeah I know...
    but it mad me sad:(
  17. Anonymous Member

    Okay. I'll tell you what makes me sad:


    There's a "Holy cow" with no exclamation marks!!!!!! :confused:
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  18. The Wrong Guy Member

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  19. The Wrong Guy Member

    Scientology’s ‘Mecca’ awaits: More tantalizing glimpses of Hubbardian Heaven on Earth

    We have some fun odds and ends for you today while we nail down more big stories for you from the world of Scientology.

    We’re chasing down all sorts of things — follow-ups to our previous stories, as well as big legal happenings on the horizon. But we can’t say too much just yet. We don’t want to spoil things.

    In the meantime, we’ve been meaning to share with you the latest newsletter from the Fort Harrison Hotel,
    Scientology’s ‘Mecca’ in Clearwater, Florida. We always love to read the things our sharp-eyed readers pull out of these slick publications put out by Scientology.

    It’s the Fort Harrison where wealthy church members check in for extended stays while they go through the secret upper-level courses of Scientology which can cost hundreds of dollars an hour. So when you’re catering to a crowd that’s burning up that kind of cash for e-meter parlor tricks, it better be a Hilton and a half! We’ll let you tell us if the joint seems up to snuff.
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  20. The Wrong Guy Member

    Sunday Funnies: Scientology is finger lickin’ good!

    First up, we have another fun video from those crazy kids in Atlanta.

    Having already broken the record for the greatest Scientology video in the history of Scientology videos, the folks in Atlanta obviously knew they could dial it back a few notches for something a bit more traditional.

    But that doesn’t mean there aren’t some nice touches in here. Heck, this one even has Colonel Sanders in it!
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  21. RightOn Member

    ALL that money that you can see on the board in the vid? Uhhggg!
    $50 thou. $35,thou $40,00!
    Makes me SO mad and SO sick.
    What a waste.
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  22. The Wrong Guy Member

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  23. meep meep Member

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  24. The Wrong Guy Member

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  25. xipe totec Member

    mister magoo is everywhere mate !
  26. The Wrong Guy Member

  27. Random guy Member

    I can't help but think that if the head of the Scotish org, John G. "Fearless Leader" was the head of CoS, the cult wouldn't be headding down so fast. He seems a reasonably likeable chap, someone people might want to actually listen to (unlike Miscavige). I wonder how long it will take before Miscavige notices and have him RPFed or decleared.
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  28. DeathHamster Member

    So shoopable!

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  29. The Wrong Guy Member

    Hey, look who’s doing a Christmas broadcast from Flag! With all the money Bob Duggan and his wife Trish have given to Scientology (somewhere north of $50 million, we estimate), it’s about time he got some of the limelight. And speaking of Bob’s largesse, a tipster tells us that in the latest copy of Impact magazine, Bob and Trish are featured from the recent IAS gala in England, where they received yet another new status for their IAS donations — now, they’re “Patron Invictus.” Isn’t that cool! We’re pretty sure that means they had to pony up another three to five million. It’s getting tough to keep track of how much cheddar this moneybags is unloading into Scientology leader David Miscavige’s pet projects!

    Continued here:
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  30. The Wrong Guy Member

    Scientology Sunday Funnies: An oily and super powered edition of our weekly feature!

    We have a very special treat for you to kick off this week’s installment of Sunday Funnies.

    It’s been a year now since Scientology’s Super Power Building (officially named the “Flag Building”) opened in Clearwater, Florida, with David Miscavige giving a very short speech to Tom Cruise and John Travolta and a couple of thousand other church members, and with Mike Rinder and Mike Bennitt watching from a helicopter overhead.

    We’ve had a special interest in the Super Power building since we were leaked full schematics and renderings from rooms on every floor, and discovered some of the wacky contraptions planned for the fifth floor. They had been designed to test a subject’s “perceptics.” See, Scientologists believe that we are all “thetans,” immortal beings that have lived countless times in the past, and that the thetan has its own set of finely-honed senses which are more powerful than the senses of the meat body we happen to be walking around in this lifetime. One goal of the Super Power process is to tune the subject’s perceptics — all 57 of them, from taste to pitch to rhythm to smell and even to “cellular and bacterial position.” And of course, one of our favorites, oiliness.

    We discovered there was actually an “oiliness table” sketched out for the perceptics floor (see above), and it showed up, fleetingly, in a promotional video about the building. But we still wondered, what would it be like for Scientologists who pay the tens of thousands of dollars to actually go through this funhouse?

    Now, finally we have a first report. Granted, it’s in the form of Scientology PR, and we know how reliable that is. But still, here, for you enjoyment, some actual success stories from the perceptics floor of Super Power!
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  31. The Wrong Guy Member

    Scientology Sunday Funnies: Special Pearl Harbor Day edition!

    The Church of Scientology has had many days of infamy, but one thing’s for sure — leader David Miscavige and his organization sure keep up the pretense that they’re going full speed ahead.

    This week, our great tipsters sent us another collection of new fundraising fliers smuggled out of the church. And among them was a fancy new multi=part campaign of rah-rah about the Ideal Org program.

    Miscavige is still trying to get more and more money out of fewer and fewer people so ordinary “orgs” can be replaced with very expensive Ideal Orgs, often in historic buildings that require millions in renovations. And the result? We’ve seen evidence around the country that Ideal Orgs sit empty. But Miscavige has to keep the remaining folks believing that an Ideal Org is a miraculous magnet that brings in new people and rapidly moves them up the “Bridge to Total Freedom.”

    And now, he’s put that in graphic form with a series of fliers explaining the process of fundraising, renovation, and outreach in order get people in New Zealand exciting about forking over their hard earned cash. We’re posting just a few of them here, because we don’t want to risk putting our readers to sleep. They’re deadly.
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  32. matt-e1417220307865.jpg
    ''Hi, My name is Dildo, could you just punch my face in and get this over with. I hope it will knock some sense into me, thanks and KSW.''
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  33. DeathHamster Member

  34. DeathHamster Member

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  35. The Wrong Guy Member

    Scientology Sunday Funnies: What’s a little human trafficking between friends?

    Welcome to another collection of Scientology Sunday Funnies! Each week, we post some of the better Scientology fundraising fliers we’ve been forwarded by our great tipsters.

    This week, we wanted to start off with something that our commenters have been talking about — a Los Angeles Police Department gladhander, Captain Dave Storaker, who runs a Twitter feed that’s about as smarmy as it gets. And the breathless way he promoted a “human trafficking” conference at Scientology’s LA headquarters was pretty awful. Scientology itself was investigated by the FBI for human trafficking violations in 2009 and 2010, and that probe was derailed for unfortunate reasons.

    But what better way to distract from your own rotten record of treating workers like indentured servants — including children — than to operate front groups that pretend they give a crap about “human rights”? It’s kind of genius, when you think about it.

    Anyway, we wanted to point out that Capt Storaker, based on his Twitter feed, is just a buffoon and it’s not really surprising that he’d pimp a Scientology dog and pony show.

    What’s much more troubling is who spoke at the event.

    Let us back up a little. In the summer of 2013, Leah Remini made her famous break from Scientology (a story we broke here at the Bunker), and then caused even more headlines when she filed a missing-person report with the LAPD, asking the police to look into the whereabouts of Shelly Miscavige, the wife of Scientology’s leader. Shelly vanished from Scientology’s International Base in the late summer or early fall of 2005, and has only been seen in public once since then, at the funeral of her father in the summer of 2007. Where has she been? Well, we know where she’s been all this time, but Leah, who was once close to Shelly, apparently wanted the LAPD to find out what’s been going on.

    Remini filed her missing person report on a Monday, we found out about it two days later, on Wednesday night, and we broke the news about it the next morning, on a Thursday. By that afternoon, however, the LAPD began telling reporters that detectives had spoken with Shelly and determined that she was not “missing” and that she was all right. (Because our story appeared in the morning and the LAPD statements came out that afternoon, there was some confusion in the media and it was falsely reported that the LAPD had wrapped up Remini’s complaint in less than 24 hours. That wasn’t the case.)

    Multiple lines of evidence convince us that Shelly Miscavige has, since 2005, been living and working at Scientology’s super-secret “CST Headquarters” compound near Lake Arrowhead in the San Bernardino mountains northeast of Los Angeles. This was a person who had been a very visible leader in Scientology, helping her husband to run an international empire. And we’d love to know how she really feels about being confined to a small base without even the chance to see members of her own family.

    A missing-person complaint was an imperfect way to get that information. To the church (well, to David Miscavige at least) she’s never been “missing,” and the police aren’t in a position to do more than make sure Shelly is still breathing and happy where she is. We have to assume that church officials immediately whisked the LAPD’s two detectives assigned to the case right up to the CST compound after Remini made her report, and they were convinced that Shelly didn’t want to leave.

    But we wanted to know, did they interview Shelly on her own, or was she in the presence of other church officials? Could she have been candid about her situation if other CST executives were present?

    To find out, we called the supervisor of those two detectives who checked on Shelly. He is the LAPD’s Lieutenant Andre Dawson. Dawson assured us that Shelly was fine and didn’t want to make a public appearance. When we asked him if his detectives had talked to her alone, however, Dawson quickly fired back, “That’s classified.”

    Oh, really?

    The memory of that two-year-old conversation came rushing back when we saw who was a featured speaker at the human trafficking event held at the Scientology LA headquarters that Captain Storaker had been promoting. Here, see for yourself…

    Yep. Lt. Andre Dawson spoke about human trafficking at the Church of Scientology — the same Lt. Dawson who oversaw the handling of Leah Remini’s missing person report about a woman who has been kept out of the public eye for more than nine years now at a secretive base above LA. (That’s a photo of him speaking at the event at the top of the page.)

    Well, David Miscavige can rest easy, knowing with near certainty that the LAPD will never take the least interest in how he’s keeping his wife under wraps.

    Continued here:
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  36. anon33 Member

    Also,Youth for Human Rights video in Cornwall Central School District Library (NY)
  37. Kilia Member

    Page down to bottom of article.
    As old as this is, I'm so proud of WWP and the work that is done here.
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  38. The Wrong Guy Member

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  39. RightOn Member

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