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Touch Assist My Ass!

Discussion in 'News and Current Events' started by Anonymous, May 19, 2011.

  1. Anonymous Member

    This is the actual instruction manual on the cult of Scientology's so called Touch Assist. It reads like a porno at times and insane babble other times. It is clear that these assholes would rather be poked by someone else's finger than get real medical help. LOL

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    The Touch Assist is the most widely used and probably best known assist. It was first developed in the early 1950s and has been in use ever since.
    The application of Touch Assists is not limited to injuries. They are not just for the banged hand or the burned wrist. They can be done on a dull pain in the back, a constant earache, an infected boil, an upset stomach. In fact, the number of things this simple but powerful process can be applied to is unlimited!

    Theory
    The purpose of a Touch Assist is to reestablish communication with injured or ill body parts. It brings the person’s attention to the injured or affected body areas. This is done by repetitively touching the ill or injured person’s body and putting him into communication with the injury. His communication with it brings about recovery. The technique is based on the principle that the way to heal anything or remedy anything is to put somebody into communication with it.
    Every single physical illness stems from a failure of the being to communicate with the thing or area that is ill. Prolongation of a chronic injury occurs in the absence of physical communication with the affected area or with the location of the spot of injury in the physical universe.
    When attention is withdrawn from injured or ill body areas, so are circulation, nerve flows and energy. This limits nutrition to the area and prevents the drain of waste products. Some ancient healers attributed remarkable flows and qualities to the “laying on of hands.” Probably the workable element in this was simply heightening awareness of the affected area and restoring the physical communication factors. For example, if you do a Touch Assist on somebody who has a sprained wrist, you are putting him back into communication with that wrist as completely as possible.

    A Touch Assist helps handle the factors of time and location when a person has been injured. Part of his attention is stuck in the past moment and place of the impact.

    The assist restores the person to the present and thus permits healing to occur.

    In addition to control and direction of the person’s attention, a Touch Assist also handles the factors of location and time. If a person has been injured, his attention avoids the injured or affected part but at the same time is stuck in it. He is also avoiding the location of the injury, and the person himself and the injured body part are stuck in the time of the impact. A Touch Assist permits healing to occur by restoring the person to the present and his whereabouts to some degree.

    Procedure
    0. Administer any first aid that may be needed before you begin the assist. For example, if the person has a bleeding wound it should be dressed as the first action.
    1. Have the person sit down or lie down-whatever position will be more comfortable for him.
    2. Tell him that you are going to be doing a Touch Assist and explain briefly the procedure.
    Tell the person the command you will be using and ensure he understands it. The command used is “Feel my finger.”
    Tell the person that he should let you know when he has done the command.
    3. Give the command “Feel my finger,” then touch a point, using moderate finger pressure.
    Do not touch and then give the command; that would be backwards.
    Touch with only one finger. If you used two fingers the person could be confused about which he was supposed to feel.
    4. Acknowledge the person by saying “Thank you” or “Okay” or “Good,” etc.
    5. Continue giving the command, touching and acknowledging when the person has indicated he has done the command.
    When doing a Touch Assist on a particular injured or affected area, you approach the area on a gradient and recede from it on a gradient.
    You approach the injury or affected area, go away from it, approach it, go away from it, approach it closer, go away from it further, approach to a point where you are actually touching the injured or affected part and go away further. You try to follow the nerve channels of the body, which include the spine, the limbs and the various relay points like the elbows, the wrists, the back sides of the knees and the fingertips. These are the points you head for. These are all points in which the shock wave can get locked up. What you are trying to do is get a communication wave flowing again through the body, because the shock of injury stopped it.
    No matter what part of the body is being helped, the areas touched should include the extremities (hands and feet) and the spine.
    The touching must be balanced to both left and right sides of the body. When you have touched the person’s right big toe, you next touch the left big toe; when you have touched a point a few inches to one side of the person’s spine, you next touch the spot the same distance from the spine on the opposite side. This is important because the brain and the body’s communication system interlock. You can find that a pain in the left hand runs out (dissipates) when you touch the right hand, because the right hand has got it locked up.
    In addition to handling the left and right sides of the body, the body’s back and frontsides must also be addressed. In other words, if attention has been given to the front of the body, attention must also be given to the back.
    The same principle applies in handling a particular body part. For instance, you might be handling an injury on the front of the right leg. Your Touch Assist would include the front of the right leg, the front of the left leg, the back of the right leg and the back of the left leg, in addition to the usual actions of handling the extremities and spine.
    6. Continue the assist until the person feels better. You will notice an improvement in the person from what he says or how he looks. These are called indicators.
    Indicators are conditions or circumstances arising during an assist which indicate whether it is running well or badly. When a bad condition, such as an injured hand, improves, that is a good indicator. If the pain in his hand lessened, that would be a good indicator.
    A Touch Assist is continued until the person being helped has good indicators,meaning he feels better, the pain has diminished, he is happier about it, etc. He will also have a cognition.
    7. When this occurs, tell the person, “End of assist.”
    You may have to give Touch Assists day after day to achieve a result. On first doing a Touch Assist you might only get a small improvement. Giving another Touch Assist on the following day, you could expect a bit more improvement. Next day you may get a somatic blowing off completely. It might take many more days than this, with a Touch Assist given each day, before such a result is achieved; the point is that the number of Touch Assists you can do on the same thing is unlimited.

    Uses
    Use on Injuries
    Never do a Touch Assist as the first action on an injured person when you can do a Contact Assist. If the exact location where the injury occurred is available, do a Contact Assist. The Contact Assist can then be followed by a Touch Assist or any other assist action.

    Communication with the body lessens when one is ill or injured. A Touch Assist helps restore a person’s ability to communicate fully with an ill or injured body part.

    Tell the person, “Feel my finger,” and touch a spot on his body. Acknowledge him when he does so.

    Follow the nerve channels of the body. The touching must be balanced to both sides of the body.



    A Touch Assist must include the extremities and the spine. A correctly done Touch Assist can speed the thetan’s ability to heal or repair a condition with his body.
    • Like Like x 1
  2. Anonymous Member

    Part 2


    Use on Animals
    Touch Assists can be used to good results on animals. In doing a Touch Assist on a sick or injured dog or cat, you should wear thick gloves, as they may snap and scratch.

    Persons on Drugs
    A Touch Assist can be done on a person who has been given painkillers or other drugs. This isn’t optimum but it is sometimes necessary under emergency conditions.
    Where a person has been injured, your objective should be to get to him and give him a Touch Assist before anyone gives him a painkiller. If the body has been very badly damaged, the person may still be in agony after your assist, but you will have gotten some of the shock off. At this point a medical doctor could administer a painkiller and repair the physical damage. Of course, if the person needs immediate treatment for excessive pain, you would not prevent it from being administered and would then deliver the Touch Assist when the person was more comfortable.

    Headaches
    Do not do a Touch Assist on a person who has a headache. Research has shown that headaches are often the result of mental phenomena that a Touch Assist would be the incorrect handling for.

    Head Injuries
    If a person has received an actual injury to the head such as being poked in the eye or hit on the head with a bat, he can be given a Touch Assist. The same applies to injuries to the teeth or painful dental work.
    The Touch Assist is easy to learn and can get quite remarkable results. It has the advantage of being easy to teach others. So use it well to help those around you, and teach them to help others in turn.
  3. Xenu Is Lord Member

    The Touch Assist is the most widely used and probably best known assist (Yea because there are so many types). It was first developed in the early 1950s and has been in use ever since. (Not by any respected medical field)

    They can be done on a dull pain in the back (Or Asshole), a constant earache, an infected boil (What happened to the time honored lancing), an upset stomach (Yeah this stupidity is giving me one). In fact, the number of things this simple but powerful process can be applied to is unlimited! (Except strangely headache's??? Really read below.)

    0. Administer any first aid that may be needed before you begin the assist. For example, if the person has a bleeding wound it should be dressed as the first action. (You got to be fucking joking?)
    1. Have the person sit down or lie down-whatever position will be more comfortable for him. (Remember you are going to be fucking them hard so make sure they are as comfortable as they can be.)
    2. Tell him that you are going to be doing a Touch Assist and explain briefly the procedure. (Make sure to have someone hold them down. When they hear how stupid you sound the might run away.)
    3. Give the command “Feel my finger,” then touch a point, using moderate finger pressure. (Feel my fist, don't touch me there! Pull my finger and inhale.)
    4. Acknowledge the person by saying “Thank you” or “Okay” or “Good,” etc. (This is the proper BDSM Slave response. It was developed by LRH himself.)
    5. (There is so much wrong with this section I can't even go in to it.)
    6. Continue the assist until the person feels better. You will notice an improvement in the person from what he says or how he looks. These are called indicators.
    Indicators are conditions or circumstances arising during an assist which indicate whether it is running well or badly. When a bad condition, such as an injured hand, improves, that is a good indicator. If the pain in his hand lessened, that would be a good indicator. (If they are pale and not breathing, no heart beat, that is called dead or dropping the body.)
    7. When this occurs, tell the person, “End of assist.”

    Use on Animals
    Touch Assists can be used to good results on animals. In doing a Touch Assist on a sick or injured dog or cat, you should wear thick gloves, as they may snap and scratch. (Some states now have laws against this practice on Animals at least most northern states. Check with your local IAS Rep.)

    Persons on Drugs
    A Touch Assist can be done on a person who has been given painkillers or other drugs. This isn’t optimum but it is sometimes necessary under emergency conditions.
    Where a person has been injured, your objective should be to get to him and give him a Touch Assist before anyone gives him a painkiller. If the body has been very badly damaged, the person may still be in agony after your assist, but you will have gotten some of the shock off. At this point a medical doctor could administer a painkiller and repair the physical damage. Of course, if the person needs immediate treatment for excessive pain, you would not prevent it from being administered and would then deliver the Touch Assist when the person was more comfortable. (In truth it is probably best that they be smoked out of their mind as this will block the experience from their memory. This way they wont have to deal with the guilt and shame of looking like a total retard by participating in an act of complete stupidity. The person giving the assist might also befit from heavy drug use as it can only be an improvement over their current state of delusion.)

    Headaches
    Do not do a Touch Assist on a person who has a headache. Research has shown that headaches are often the result of mental phenomena that a Touch Assist would be the incorrect handling for. (In this case feel free to visit the nearest bathroom and touch assist yourself and other staff members repeatedly. Remember this cult gives everyone a headache so don't hold it against the poor slob who you coned in to it.)

    Head Injuries
    If a person has received an actual injury to the head such as being poked in the eye or hit on the head with a bat, he can be given a Touch Assist. The same applies to injuries to the teeth or painful dental work. (The damage is pretty much done at this point, you can't fuck them up much worse. If they loose conscious clean out their wallet during this time and write down their drives Lic info. What ever you do don't call a hospital for these types of injuries as Scientology is the only thing that can help them)

    YOU GOT TO HAVE A HEAD INJURY TO BELIVE THIS SHIT!

    The Touch Assist is easy to learn and can get quite remarkable results. (DEATH) It has the advantage of being easy to teach others. (BECAUSE IT IS MADE UP AND REQUIRES NO THINKING) So use it well to help those around you, and teach them to help others in turn. (ON HOW TO RIP PEOPLE OFF)
  4. timthephoto Member

    THIS IS WHAT SCIENTOLOGISTS ACTUALLY BELEIVE
  5. Anonymous Member

    Wow. I didn't realize I could actually learn something valuable from scientology.
  6. yeah tis general consensus that when a person is pale, is not breathing and has no heart beat they are indeed dead. But im no great touch assist giving, most ethical being on the planet so what do i know.
  7. Anonymous Member

    The LUZ OH THE LUZ!
  8. AnonymousMeng Member

  9. Smurf Member

    I can attest Touch Assists actually do work on hemorrhoids. It feels great. The downside is that it leaves you with a stinky finger.

    • Like Like x 2
  10. eww.... hearing his voice just conjures up pictures of perverted old men with green toe nails in my head.
    i think i just threw up in my mouth a little.
  11. Anonymous Member

    You mean that you are allowed to do touch assists on your own self?
  12. Anonymous Member

    You mean that you are allowed to do touch assists on your own self?
  13. it that like clam code for you're allowed to masterbate?
  14. Smurf Member

  15. Lulzanne Member

    That is what wog's actually believe. In truth, the thetan has merely dropped his meat body. At that point there's no point in continuing the touch assist but you've still got 3 or 4 minutes to contact the Thetan through the meat body so long as the Thetan is still within 6 universes or so.

    Just stand back and in your best Tone 40 start shouting things like "GET BACK HERE AND PICK UP THIS BODY AT ONCE" "THINK ABOUT YOUR AUDITOR!" "WHAT R UR CRIMEZ?" Whatever you think will push his buttons.

    "The Bring Back to Life Assist"

    HCO BULLETIN OF 8 APRIL 1988
  16. Anonymous Member

    How would you know how many universes the Thetan is within? And why only six universes? That is kind of restrictive for a Thetan.
  17. lolwut?
    i thought that was a recipe to end up in the loony bin, not to bring someone back from death. but then again im just a measly mortal wog, what do i know?
  18. Smurf Member

    Damn Homo Sapien. Disgusting. :-P
  19. eddieVroom Member

  20. ugh gawd... i know!! i should just go kill myself! yuck! damn me for not being a clam!

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